I’m no stranger to depression and anxiety.
It’s suicide awareness month and I just want to give a big shout out to everyone who has ever had depression or anxiety and battled it themselves internally.
I don’t often talk about my childhood, I don’t like to play victim to what made me so much of who I am today. But I will tell you that I grew up in a household that was very intense and filled with anger, rage, violence and emotional and psychological abuse.
I remember at the age of 8 sitting on the floor at the foot of my bed wondering why I couldn’t just choose to leave my body. I was angry that God or whoever was up there didn’t have death as a choice that could be made easily. I didn’t want to be scared all the time anymore and I felt powerless that I couldn’t do anything to change the abuse going on in my home.
That was my life until the age of 12 when one gloriously miraculous day my mum, brother and I left that house and jumped into a big white van driven by my uncle, with all our stuff crammed in the back, and me holding the goldfish bowl tightly in my arms. We drove away and the relief and peace that came over me was one that I still recall vividly, That was the best day of my life up until that point.
I’m incredibly grateful for my mums courage in making that choice to leave. It was also the day I knew that you could choose for you, and when I was able to sense hope for the future. And that’s what I want to say… hope for the future.
Just because what’s going on today may be intense and not what you desire, what if a different choice can change it all?
Not a choice to fix yourself (what if you’re not broken?), nor a choice to make things ‘right’, but the choice to know that you are not wrong.
Our future is created by the choices we make today, and that choice might be as simple as knowing that there are people out there who will support you, and tools to help you overcome anything.
For me those tools have come from @accessconsciousness. The depression and anxiety that I hid so well during all my life have gone through the use of these tools.
What if there is a different possibility available? If there is anything in your life that isn’t working the way you would like it to, you might want to check out Access Consciousness